Tough vs Strong CEO: Why the Toughest Leader in the Room Is Often the Biggest Risk

Bonny Morlak

Oct 21

3 min read

man with glasses gestures in an office; bold TOUGH BREAKS text and a red play button overlay the scene.

Startup land has a favourite kind of CEO. Sleeps four hours, never looks rattled, lays off a third of the team on Tuesday and is back on a podcast by Thursday talking about staying hungry.

We clap for that person. When everything is uncertain, the one who doesn’t flinch looks safe.

But when it comes to tough vs strong CEO, they are not the same thing.

The toughest CEO in the room is often the biggest risk in the company.

Why the Tough CEO Is the Risk

Toughness is armour, and armour doesn’t filter.

It keeps out the hard stuff. It also keeps out the early warning from your head of sales, and the engineer who thinks the roadmap is wrong but has seen what happens to people who say so.

Then it gets worse. Once toughness is who you are, being wrong feels like a threat.

I have watched CEOs keep a bad hire six months past the point everyone knew, including the hire. I have watched them keep funding a product nobody was buying, because killing it meant saying “I called that wrong” in front of the team.

Everyone can see it. Nobody says it. The tough CEO is the last to find out.

I Was the Tough Guy

I know this one from the inside. I was the quiet kind, head down, telling everyone I was fine because fine is easier than explaining.

I kept going right up until I couldn’t. Burnout doesn’t send a calendar invite. You are coping, and coping, and coping, and then suddenly you are not.

I lost relationships.

People were trying to reach me and I was too busy being strong to let them in. Replacing money isn’t all that hard. Getting back lost trust, love and friendship is another story.

Strong vs Tough: Keep Your Soul Soft

The harder something is, the easier it snaps.

You will have rough times and intense pressure. If you don’t have the right people around you, keeping your soul soft and your mind flexible, you will have a pretty bad time.

My grandmother always said that shared joy is double the joy and shared sorrow is half the sorrow. It sounds like a tea towel. It works like a leadership tool.

And it has to be outside the company. Your team needs you steady. Your board has a fund to return. They all have a stake in your mood. You need one room where nobody’s paycheque depends on how you feel.

What a Strong CEO Does This Week

Have one real conversation outside the company. A friend who knew you before the startup, your partner, a therapist, a coach. Someone good at keeping secrets.

Say what scares you and what you are hoping for. Say the thing you haven’t said out loud yet. “I think I got the strategy wrong.” “I’m not sure I want five more years of this.”

It will feel awkward as hell. You have to be strong to be vulnerable. Tough is silent, hard and breaks. Strong is open, flexible and grounded in reality.

You will walk back in lighter. Sometimes just saying it out loud makes it sound less scary.

And the Monday after, maybe you stand up in the leadership meeting and say “I was wrong, here’s what changes.” Your authority goes up, because the team already knew. They were waiting for you to catch up.

Who Is Holding the Weight With You?

The strongest CEOs I work with can say “I was wrong” on a Monday and “I’m not ok” on a Wednesday night and still lead on Thursday.

So who is holding the weight with you? If the answer is nobody, start with one person. And if you would like that person to be someone whose job is to keep your secrets and still tell you the truth, that is what I do.