Advice to My 30-Year-Old Self: What I Wish I Knew When I Was Building My Startup
- Bonny Morlak
- Jan 7
- 4 min read
There are a few things I would love to tell my 30-year-old self.
Not because things went badly.
But because some lessons only become clear with time.
At 30, I thought I had life and business mostly figured out. I was busy, ambitious, building something that mattered. On the surface, it looked right. Underneath, I was slowly draining the very things that made everything work.
If you are around 30, running or scaling a startup, juggling family, responsibility, and pressure, this advice is for you.
What I Got Wrong About Focus
The biggest mistake I made was believing I could do everything at once.
I worked from home to be close to my family. It sounded smart. Flexible. Modern. What actually happened was worse. Half my attention was always somewhere else.
When I worked, part of me was thinking about family. When I was with family, part of me was thinking about work.
I was never fully present. Not in the business. Not at home.
Startups need focus. Relationships need presence. Trying to blend them without boundaries slowly damages both.
If I could give one piece of advice to my 30-year-old self, it would be this: whatever you are doing, give it your undivided attention.
Working Harder Is Not Always the Answer
At 30, I believed being busy meant being valuable. Long hours felt like proof. Proof that I cared. Proof that I deserved success.
That belief is leftover thinking from another era.
Sometimes the most meaningful work happens in three or four focused hours. After that, you are just tired, reactive, and slower.
When you start scaling, your job changes. You stop working in the business and start working on the business. Systems replace memory. Delegation replaces heroics.
Harder is not better. Clear is better.
Relationships Matter More Than You Think
I worried too much about money and not enough about relationships.
Money feels urgent. Relationships feel permanent. Until they are not.
You can rebuild finances. You can recover a business. You cannot always repair lost relationships.
If you lose a house, it hurts, but you recover. If you lose a relationship, it can be gone forever.
One of the most important pieces of advice to my 30-year-old self would be to prioritize relationships over money, every single time.
Presence Creates Memories, Not Time
Some of my most meaningful moments with my child lasted less than an hour. Playing with sticks. Pretending leaves were boats. Nothing special on paper.
Years later, those moments are still remembered.
Presence creates memories. Not duration.
Twenty minutes of real attention beats an entire day of distracted time.
The same applies to partners, parents, siblings, and friends. Be fully there. Put the phone down. Stop multitasking your relationships.
Money Has a Ceiling, Meaning Does Not
Not having money creates stress. Having enough money removes that stress. Having more money after that does not make you happier.
Money is a hygiene factor. It gets you to zero. Relationships, purpose, and health are what move you beyond that.
At 30, I prioritized clients, business needs, and growth over my own wellbeing. Not out of greed, but out of fear.
Fear of falling behind. Fear of missing out. Fear of slowing down.
That fear is expensive.
Burnout Does Not Arrive Loudly
Burnout rarely announces itself.
It starts quietly. You stop wanting to socialize. Birthday invitations feel heavy. Work becomes the only thing that feels acceptable.
When fun feels like effort, something is wrong.
That is one piece of advice I wish I had heard earlier: when you stop wanting to have fun, pay attention. That is a red flag.
Exercise, Rest, and Boredom Are Not Optional
I delayed exercise far too long. I thought I could outwork my body.
You cannot.
Movement does not need to be a gym. It can be walking, surfing, being outside. Nature matters more than we admit.
Rest matters too. Not collapsing in front of a screen at midnight, but real rest. Sleep. Mornings without a phone. Space for your brain to wander.
Creativity needs boredom. Insight needs stillness.
Cut Toxic Relationships Faster
This is uncomfortable advice, but necessary.
Do not spend time with people who do not love you for who you are. Do not stay loyal to relationships that drain you, undermine you, or make you smaller.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up and people who tell you the hard truth when needed.
Both matter.
Men Need to Cry More
This is advice I rarely hear founders talk about.
Men struggle. Men carry pressure silently. Men need to cry.
Crying is not weakness. It is release.
If I could talk to my 30-year-old self, I would tell him it is fine to cry in public. It is fine to admit that things are heavy. It feels better when you stop pretending.
Life Is Not Something That Starts Later
I used to believe I would work very hard, make enough money, and then life would begin.
That is not how it works.
Life happens while you are building. While you are busy. While you are chasing the next milestone.
If you keep postponing presence, rest, and joy, you do not get them back later.
Final Advice to My 30-Year-Old Self
Slow down. Focus deeply. Protect relationships. Rest before you collapse. Move your body. Be present. Cut what drains you. Cry when you need to.
And remember this:
Your startup does not need the exhausted version of you. It needs the healthiest, clearest, most present version of you.
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